Maison Bean unplugged

April 1, 2011

Tweet

Life at Maison Bean has been even more outrageous than usual.  It all began with Moose, who got himself expelled from the Wee School for conduct unbecoming a toddler. 

Specifically, he said “shit.”  A lot.

Mimi blamed it on Papa, and Papa blamed it on me.  I have a keen sense of self-preservation, so I did not cast any pebbles at Mimi, but for all of her loftiness she has been known to say the offending word on occasion.

While having a foul-mouthed toddler who has just been kicked out of preschool may sound like a big deal, other things were brewing at Maison Bean that distracted me.

Sylvia and Papa broke up.  Sylvia works a lot, and she works strange hours.  Imagine her surprise when she was out after work one night walking her hound only to discover Papa coming out of the Widow Greenberg’s house looking somewhat disheveled and more than a little unsteady on his feet. 

The Widow Greenberg is the neighborhood hussy, and she was a hussy before Mr. Greenberg died.  I think she put him into an early grave.  She’s a heavily rouged woman with false eyelashes and a flamboyant wardrobe.  She drives around in lavender Lincoln Town Car and sells makeup door to door.  She makes a killing in sales because all of the neighbors invite her in hoping she’ll spill the latest dirt.

Sylvia was incensed.  Personally, I think Sylvia should go into makeup sales and offer a tell-all to anyone who buys $100 worth of war paint.  But she hasn’t asked me.  In fact, she’s not talking to any of us.  None of the neighbors are.

Papa’s been moping around for days now. 

“If you lie down with dogs, Papa, you get fleas.”

This, of course, doesn’t apply to Hyacinth and me.  Hyacinth is a pedigreed bitch, and besides that, she gets a monthly dose of the hideously expensive Comfortis, so fleas don’t bother us.

“It’s not my fault,” Papa lamented.  “That woman lured me into her den with martinis and took advantage of me.”

Humph.

With Sylvia out of the picture and Papa under foot, life became a little stressful.  And then my employer made the unconscionable mistake of yelling at me.  And, of course, I yelled back at him because I am a Bean after all, and I was jacked up on hormones.

Then he tried to get me fired for insubordination, and really I deserved it, but I’m a state employee, and I mentioned “hostile work environment” and “pregnancy” in the mediation we had with HR, and they decided not to touch this nut job with a 10-foot pole, so I still have my job and I’ve taken a week to cool off and figure out what we’re going to do.

Remember when I mentioned transferring only one blastocyst last week in my post on Moose’s birthday?  I had two of those puppies leftover in the freezer at my doctor’s office that I had to pay yearly storage fees on.  I’d been lying awake nights wondering what I should do with them and finally decided to go ahead with a frozen embryo transfer cycle (that’s an FET for those of you who like acronyms).

Survival rates on frozen embryos are about 70 percent and given my advanced maternal age, my chances of getting pregnant were pretty slim, so unlike the Moose cycle, I transferred both. 

Now I’m pregnant again.

OMG! Twins!With twins.

So I’m on the wagon for about seven and a half more months and I’ve been manically cleaning the house and obsessing about details that I hadn’t given any forethought to when I got myself in this state.

Maison Bean is going to be cramped.  I need a nanny.  And there’s simply not enough room in the Honda for all of those little Beans.  I guess I’m going to have to buy a station wagon because I just don’t see myself in a minivan.

Pretty heavy stuff, huh?

On the bright side of things:  today is my favorite holiday.  The French call it le poisson d’Avril.  In American that means April Fools.

Note from Jenny

I read somewhere that only 3-4 percent of all people who read blogs comment.  If that’s true and if Google Analytics is telling the truth, there are a helluva lot of you who don’t comment.

That’s okay.  Although I love to get them, I’m not hung-up on comments… except for today.

I take great pride in my April Fools successes.  If you got hooked today (a poisson is a fish), please tell me.  It’s a small thing, but every time I reel in someone, it makes me just a little happier.  You don’t even have to use your real name.  You can say you’re Phyllis Diller, Engelbert Humperdinck or Mother Teresa.   I won’t believe you, but I’ll be glad you commented. ;-)

And, finally, because of the sheer number of people who did not read the line about this being an April Fool’s post, which is now bold and red, I had to write a follow up:  April Fools Gone Wild.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

hopefulcc April 1, 2011 at 8:12 am

I’m still sitting here thinking, soooo… is she pregnant with twins or not?? Well done!!!

Heather April 1, 2011 at 8:51 am

You know I KNOW you all too well! I have known Jenny for almost 15 years and this is truly one of her favorite holidays. She sent me a text this morning about Moose and had me for the first 5 seconds. Happy April Fool’s my dear friend.

Jolie April 1, 2011 at 9:20 am

Well you defo got me. I didn’t get to the bottom of the page to see “le poisson d’avril” part, as I had already fainted with the shock of the twins announcement!!!!! Happy April Fools from the Emerald Isle!
xo

Paddy April 1, 2011 at 9:43 am

Jennifer,

You got me good – both April Fool’s tricks. Thanks – good read. You and Papa ought to colaborate on your first book. I keep telling him he’s got the gift and you do as well. For the sake of my inquiring mind, please tell me the “call on the carpet” part was true or not.

Paddy

Jenn April 1, 2011 at 10:51 am

HopefulCC: Thanks for visiting!

Heather: Good luck tomorrow.

Jolie/Paddy: Lesson be learned: always read to the end! You’ve also got me wondering how many people actually think I’m pregnant…. And how many people don’t read to the end of my posts!

The call on the carpet: not true. The poor dude is easily excitable. Bless his heart. All is well.

Cheers! Jenny

jennyonthespot April 1, 2011 at 11:27 am

Well played… well played… I rarely comment on blogs. And you moved me… BRAVO.

Jennifer April 1, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Holy shit. You totally had me. I was really starting to think you were crazy!!!

papa April 1, 2011 at 1:42 pm

This is the last year I’ll be fooled. I’m having April Fool tattooed on my forehead. Now if I can just remember to look in the mirror.

Got to run. Off to glue Jenny’s car door shut and put the crime scene tape on her office door.

Jenn April 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Jennyonthespot: Thank you! I’m so glad you commented.

Jennifer: What are you talking about?! I am crazy.

Papa: YOU. ARE. GULLIBLE. Who else would have believed Jax when he said that he accidently flushed Moose down the toilet?!

Pamela April 1, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I knew something smelled fishy, but I can’t say I didn’t fall for it. I felt PAIN when I saw the sonogram, as in, OMG girl what have you done, pain, so I am RELIEVED it is an April Fool’s.

* I just knew Papa was not the kind of guy (however, you had me totally on the school expulsion) *

Jenn April 1, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Pamela, thank you! I feel validated. I am very proud of that sonogram and grateful that it actually belongs to someone else!

Melinda April 1, 2011 at 3:46 pm

You had me on Moose, and it took a few second for it to click, but I knew there was something fishy with the FET. For the record though, one more isn’t such a bad idea ;)

Erin @ EKat's Kitchen April 1, 2011 at 3:50 pm

You almost had me, but I had my doubts!! :) Thanks for bringing me a smile!

Betsy at Zen Mama April 1, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I had to write right away! You absolutely had me!!! I thought you were crazy but couldn’t wait to read all the posts this would create!!!

I love April Fool’s but can never think of a joke (that isn’t too mean!). My son just called me to tell me that he’s dropping out of college because his band just got signed to a small record label. I believed him, too.

Happy April!!

Abby April 1, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Wow, I believed the whole darn post! And was so impressed by your courage! (And I was smitten by the two year old that curses too much.)

(To be fair to me, maybe, this is the first post of yours I’ve ever read.)

Regardless…. hooked!

Irene April 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I’m very gullible. You could have told me Papa was pregnant and I probably would have believed it.

Jenn April 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Minnie: I do not have your fortitude. There will be no more babies.

Erin: Thanks for bringing that smile. And those cocktail recipes!

Betsy: We April Fool pranksters love you!

Abby: Welcome! I’m impressed that you read through to the end.

Irene: Papa’s not pregnant. He went through menopause some years back.

Crecia Page April 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I’m soooo glad I don’t have to worry about cussing yet!

rtcrita April 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Girrrr…l! You had me going, for sure! I laughed at Moose saying bad words, but worried about him getting kicked out, hoping it was maybe a 3-day explulsion. I gasped at Papa’s “indelicate” going-ons, wondering what is that man’s (with the nice legs) problem. And when I got to the part about you almost losing your job while PREGNANT, all I could think was, “Oh, my gosh! What is she gonna’ do?! She NEEDS her job because she has little ones! I’ll crochet her a couple of blankets for the babies because she probably won’t be able to afford hardly anything for those new little ones if she loses her job! But where will I send them? What if she doesn’t want to give me her address? Afterall, she only knows me from the Internet. Maybe I could get a hold of her mother and send them to her to give to Jenny. How will I figure out her Mother’s phone number to call her and get her address? Oh, gawd. What is she going to do?!” Then… I read the rest. :(

Yep, you got me good!

Jenn @ Home is Where You Start From April 2, 2011 at 3:31 am

Ha! good job, you got me! I was reading this and thinking your life sounded like a soap opera!

:)

Irene April 2, 2011 at 8:36 am

Oh, that’s good, could you imagine the hormonal uprising with you PMSing and Papa have hot flashes? I’m so glad he’s through it all!

;-)

Jenn April 2, 2011 at 9:58 am

Crecia: we try to watch our language around here, but Papa has a bad habit of slipping up.

Rita: you made me smile this morning. Sorry I made you worry unnecessarily! And, yes, I would give you my address!

Jenn@HomeIsWhereYouStartFrom: thanks for visiting. No soap operas here. Very dull.

Irene: it was living hell while we were going through it. :-)

Shannon April 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I’m going to say it’s because I read this on April 2 that I totally got fooled! LOL!

portia April 2, 2011 at 7:45 pm

You did not fool me for one second. I am so on to your april 1 tricks. You may have gotten me many times before, but never again. The crazy phone calls of earlier fool’s days have made me wary. But it is funny when you get other people!!

Nicole April 3, 2011 at 1:37 am

Good lord woman. Just about peed myself.

justine April 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I blame my gullible-ness on jet lag! I totally didn’t get it, even when u started reading your note. Geez. In my defense, I didn’t read this til the 3rd, so I forgot about it.

April April 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Well, I fell for it hook line and sinker…that’s what I get for not reading it on April 1st! Completely blindsided!

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day and I apologize for the disheveled, out dated mess you found there. I am getting it back together, really I am…

~One disorganized mommy to another :)

Cindy Eve June 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Hiya Jenny, noted!!…..albeit much later on in the year!I am at fault for not always commenting :) but I do want to say that I thoroughly enjoy your blog and will make more of an effort in future. In the meantime…. I was completely hooked and musing about your bravery when I read the 2nd to last paragraph. Congratulations! You have been awarded The Versatile Blogger Award. Stop by at http://notjustagranny.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/versatile-blogger-award/ for more details.
Warmest regards and thanks for the 04.01 giggle!
Cindy
@notjustagranny

Leave a Comment

{ 3 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: