My cell phone rang in the office several weeks ago. It was 4 p.m., and I had a project to finish.
|Grandma:||Boo Boo, is that you?|
|Me:||No, Grandma, it’s Jenny.|
|Grandma:||Where’s Boo Boo?|
|Me:||This is my phone?|
|Me:||This. Is. My. Phone.|
|Grandma:||He’s at home?! What are you doing with his phone?|
|Me:||I. Don’t. Have. His. Phone.|
|Grandma:||Who has it?|
|Grandma:||Why did you answer it?|
|Grandma:||Yes, you did.|
|Me:||Grandma, I’ve got a deadline. I’ll call you later.|
Grandma called five more times during the next hour. I let it go to voicemail….
Grandma broke her hip recently. While she was in the hospital, my Aunt Lilly got a call.
|Police:||This is the Montgomery PD. Do you know an M.J. Bean?|
|Aunt Lilly:||She’s my mother. She’s in the hospital.|
|Police:||We know she’s in the hospital. She keeps calling 911 and insisting that she’s been kidnapped and taken to a maximum security facility. You’ve gotta make her stop.|
|Aunt Lilly:||What do you want me to do?|
|Police:||Anything, lady. Just make her stop. She thinks she’s surrounded by inmates.|
|Aunt Lilly:||I’m in L.A. Maybe you could have someone check her room for vodka.|
Bizarre behavior runs deep in the Bean DNA. The other day my little tattletale came into my room while I was getting ready for work.
|Jax:||Mommy, did you hear that loud crash?|
|Me:||Uh, yeah, I think I did.|
|Jax:||Do you know what it was?|
|Me:||No. Do you?|
|Jax:||It was Papa.|
|Jax:||Yeah, he threw a cup across the room.|
Thirty seconds later in the kitchen in a housecoat with mascara on one eye, I confronted Papa.
|Me:||Papa, did you throw a cup across the room?|
|Papa:||It was a water bottle.|
|Papa:||Because every time I open the cabinet, it falls out.|
|Me:||And so the logical course of action was for you to throw it across the room?|
So I told Papa that he was on yellow and one more infraction and he would be on red and in time-out. As for Grandma Bean, she’s still incarcerated, but her vodka was found, and we expect her out any day.