Guest post by Papa
Note from Jenny: this is Papa’s response to Hyacinth’s post, and it only makes sense if you’ve read what Hyacinth wrote first.
I would have written this earlier, but Rooster and I haven’t been able to stop laughing. Royal Pekingese descendant, my ass! Sure, she came from a castle on a hill. Right. More like a mobile home on stilts in the swamp. To her people, “ya’ll” is singular, so if you’re addressing more than one person, you say, “ALL ya’ll.” As in, “All ya’ll come over for some road kill possum stew, ya cheer.”
You would think that the bitch could have mentioned that Rooster is an elephant dog who keeps elephants from running wild in the neighborhood. Since Rooster moved in and started patrol, the neighborhood hasn’t seen one elephant. That’s how good he is. So while Hyacinth is sitting around on her royal ass, Rooster is out in the yard keeping all those terrible bull squirrels up in the trees where they belong, and at the same time, keeping his eye out for elephants.
We do agree on one thing—that bitch can eat. Her favorite meal is roast beef with a side of ribs, a wheel barrel of garlic mash potatoes, three dozen fresh buttermilk biscuits, broccoli casserole–in her own casserole dish, two cups boiled carrots, one pound of butter spread over everything else, 14 packs of cheese crackers, liver pate, six pack of Heineken followed by a hot turkey sandwich. After eating all of that, she’s been heard to mutter, “Clear all this shit out of the way. Princess Hyacinth is ready for desert!”
Man can that bitch eat.
Jenny interruption: you’re not reading this part of the comment because it’s my blog and I have editorial control.
Contrary to what some around here would believe, Hyacinth likes to sniff things up with the best of them. She’ll sniff and roll a raccoon den with the best of them. But being of portly proportions, she is always the last one to the sniff site by which time Rooster has already sniffed it up and is about to move on. But as we all know there is one last task to be performed before leaving any good sniff. This is when it gets good, really good. Just as Hyacinth goes in for a good sniff, my boy Rooster does the ol’ leg lift. We don’t always have a direct hit, but when we do it’s worth at least 100 points for the boys’ side.
Gotta run. Moose just rang the doorbell and Hyacinth is going ape shit.