When the Easter Bunny’s stars are not aligned

April 1, 2013

“When the universe tells you to do something that Bethany thinks is a bad idea, follow the universe.”

So said my witty colleague Miller.  Bethany is also a colleague, and bless her heart, she’s a glass-is-half-empty colleague.  I decided to take Miller’s advice.

It all started in January when I was innocently buying another blueberry bush to complement my new orchard and discovered the cutest bunny rabbits.  For sale.  And then my brain went into overdrive, and I had a vision of Jax and Moose hunting Easter eggs in the back yard and discovering bunnies.

But then I polled everyone and got especially vehement feedback from Papa who must have Googled “why you should never get pet rabbits,” because every day for almost two weeks he spammed me with articles that made it seem like an inhumane idea.

bunnySo life got busy and with no one in my court, the idea fell to the wayside.  But then the universe stepped in and sent an e-newsletter from the nursery with news of spring arrivals, including more bunnies.  Dwarf Holland Lops they were called.  And there were unbelievably cute pictures, which is what led me to poll my colleagues and make the bunny decision.

And this is why the universe had it in for me:

1) After I put a deposit on the bunnies and bought the fancy two-story hutch from Overstock.com, I ordered Dummies for Bunnies.

The first rule of Dummies for Bunnies is that you should never, ever under any circumstances buy bunnies because you think it’s a great Easter idea for small children.

Great.  The dummy book was starting to make believe that I actually was a dummy.

2)  The hutch arrived UNASSEMBLED, which meant I had to confess to Papa that the bunnies were coming.  I waited until he was in his cups before I told him, and I must have done a very good job because he agreed, and then he got all melodramatic on me started talking about COMMITMENTS TO THE BUNNIES.

I think he was in cahoots with Dummies for Bunnies.

3)  It rained the whole week before Easter, so Papa and Buzz had to assemble the hutch in Papa’s garret.  For the first time in his entire life, Papa sought out directions.

The directions were in GERMAN.

Neither Papa nor Buzz read German, so they broke open a bottle of rum and proceeded to jury-rig the fancy hutch.

Duct tape and bubble gum were involved.

4)  When Papa and I commenced to taking the hutch downstairs, Papa, slipped on an errant sock, grabbed onto the railing, let go of his end, and down tumbled the hutch into a heap on the floor  A leg was broken, a door was off its hinge and the roof was askew.

More jury-rigging ensued.

5)  Larry and Ernie—the bunnies—arrived on Good Friday afternoon.  They were staying on my neighbor’s porch, and within 24 hours, Larry managed to go AWOL, and Ernie, obviously short for “Ernestine,” became a mother to a litter of baby bunnies.

6)  By Saturday evening, my nerves were frayed, and I decided to end Lent a few hours early.  (Yes, I, Jenny Bean, had given up wine.)  After the wine was polished off, Papa fixed me a stiff Brandy Alexander, and we opened up the boys’ Easter candy.

7)  When Jax and Moose awakened Sunday morning, the only indication that the Easter Bunny had visited was a beat-up looking cabinet in the backyard and a bunch of empty candy wrappers in front of the television.

“The Easter Bunny’s stars were not aligned last night,” I told them as I began dishing out ice cream for breakfast.  “He’s taken the day off.  He’s coming tomorrow instead.”

And that, my friends, is the Poisson d’Avril (April Fools) version of Easter this year.

The real version is much happier.  First of all, I did not give up wine for Lent.  I did that a long time ago, and it will never happen again.   Papa and I put the hutch together, and it was Sissy, not Papa, who helped me take it down the stairs.  The bunnies stayed in Belle’s apartment for one night.  Their names are Flip and Flop.  Jax and Moose are over the moon, and all’s well that ends well.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Irene April 2, 2013 at 7:37 am

Keep the bunnies safe in the hutch at night. They can be the meal of many nocturnal creatures. And those creatures will dig under any fencing you may put around it. I wish you lots of happiness and luck with them! They’re a joy to have!

Sounds like you had a great Easter! Your April Fools story was very believable! I actually started cracking up when you said the instructions were in German. In this day and age, you never know!!! I could imagine Papa’s reaction! That would have been hilarious!

Jenn April 2, 2013 at 11:41 am

Thanks for stopping by, Irene. The hutch is OFF the ground and actually on the brick patio. The latches aren’t Moose proof. Going to the hardware store today.

The instructions were in English and German. Seemed strange to me with everything else in Spanish. Maybe more Germans keep rabbits.

xoxo, Jenny

papa April 2, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Jenny,

You and Sissy didn’t have to bring the hutch down those steep stairs. I think my plan to tear off part of the roof and get it out with a crane was a good one.

All I know about those damn assembly instructions was they weren’t in English, Spanish, Japanese or German.

In the meantime, you need to hurry home–the rabbits need some exercise.

Papa

portia April 2, 2013 at 1:25 pm

I need to hold those and pet them, and at least one should have been named George. Ha. Verrrrrry cute!!

PS Remember the April Fool’s Day when you called to tell me you were pregnant? Pretty funny now.

Ally April 2, 2013 at 4:07 pm

YOU HAVE BUNNIES!! :)
They are adorable, and while you’re story was highly entertaining and had me laughing in this room all by myself, I’m glad things were a little smoother in reality.

Kristy K. James April 2, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I fell for it, too…cringing and laughing as I read it. I know my youngest daughter would like a bunny (or few), but we already live in a zoo, so I keep saying no. Just a quick warning here. A friend of mine had rabbits when she was little…and her brothers got her to eat some bunny ‘vitamins.’ They were NOT vitamins. They were not food in any form. Actually, they were, sort of. They USED to be food. So let the boys know that anything that might look like Kix or Cocoa Puffs…LEAVE IT ALONE. Unless they want to prank some of their friends. ;)

Glad you had a Happy Easter! The bunnies are gorgeous.

Betsy/Zen Mama April 3, 2013 at 10:25 pm

Oh! I love your April fool’s jokes and I was totally fooled!
My son called me and told me his college house had burnt down. That was better than a pregnant girlfriend last April Fools!!
Bunnies and kids are both darling!

jussy April 6, 2013 at 5:39 am

good one. and very believable! ;) i had a feeling something was up when you aid you gave up wine! glad you all had a wonderful easter!

Pamela April 22, 2013 at 4:35 pm

OMG, they are adorable! We had a rabbit. It ate a table leg and died. Yes, this is a 100% true comment. But dang he was cute! Wishing you better luck than ours!!!

Betsy/Zen Mama June 9, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Hi Jenny,
Loved seeing the bunnies and your son’s pictures! We had a cat adopt us recently. Just after we were saying how happy we were to be pet free.
Amazing how the universe answers. I think it was actually answering Oliver’s plea! We thought we were done after the slew of pets the other kids had.
xoxo
Betsy

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