Bean funnies

January 19, 2012

Vodka: Papa recently discovered a high-end vodka that’s $20 cheaper than Grey Goose and reputed to be just as good.  Never one to pass up a deal, Papa was convinced after the first martini that it was just as good as the Grey Goose.

“You only like it because it’s cheap,” I told him.

So Papa decided to let Mimi, who knows good Goose, decide if the cheap brand was just as good.  In a blind taste test, Mimi nailed the Grey Goose on the first taste test… and in the 13 subsequent taste tests that Papa subjected her to.  Finally, I drove Mimi home.  I returned and found Papa pouring the cheap stuff into a Grey Goose bottle.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I’m going to add a little water to take the burn out.”

"But Mommy said we were getting sticks and coal."Santa:  Santa brought Jax and Moose a very large giraffe and a very large zebra.  When Papa, who had consumed his fair share of eggnog, discovered them, he almost went into cardiac arrest.  And then there was poor, poor Rooster, who stays confused, and whom we caught making sexual advances to the zebra’s leg.

Fric and Frac:  On Wednesday, Papa rode his bike to the cancer center for his infusion.  Later that day, Belle came to sit with him, and realized upon arrival that she’d locked her keys in her car, so she called Sissy to bring her an extra key.  Because Sissy was driving Papa’s SUV, they decided that she would go ahead and carry the bike home and Belle would chauffeur Papa.

When Nurse Brenda saw Belle scurrying away, she asked Papa just how many daughters he had.  “Well, there’s Jenny,” he said, “and then there’s Fric and Frac.”

“Fric and Frac?” Nurse Brenda asked.

About that time, they heard a cacophony of blaring horns and a police siren.  When Nurse Brenda looked out the window to see what was going on, she saw Lucy and Ethel, aka Belle and Sissy, aka Fric and Frac, blocking both lanes of traffic as they tried unsuccessfully to put the bike on the bike rack.  Traffic was gridlocked, and two university campus officers with blue lights flashing were on the scene trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

The Bandaid BabyBandaids:  I followed the Portia rule—no Bandaids unless you’re bleeding—until pushover Mimi mucked everything up, and then I decided that Bandaids are a lot cheaper than tantrums.  So Moose has this Bandaid fetish and he climbs up on the toilet, opens the medicine cabinet and grabs a Bandaid and goes in search of someone to affix said Bandaid to various body parts…. Oftentimes he wants his big toe bandaged, and after it’s on, he limps away very convincingly.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Irene January 20, 2012 at 8:08 am

Ah, the bandaids! A boy after my own heart! At least he has band aids that have cool images and characters on them. I was stuck with the generic “flesh tone” ones. I got ripped off!

Your sisters….do they blog! OMG, what stories they could probably tell!

Hope Papa is doing well with his treatments! Never a dull moment. He can’t get any respite even at the center from his family!

papa January 20, 2012 at 9:44 am

It’s true. Moose will come racing into my office with a bandaid and will not leave me alone till I put it on his perfectly healthy big toe. Then he limps off like a 90 year old.

Irene, I was standing at the window with an IV drip and LMAO at those girls. Papa is doing very well.


PS I gotta buy some stock in a band aid company.

Jenn January 20, 2012 at 10:05 am

Healthy is not how I would describe that toe, Papa. Moose has Bean feet.

Irene: No, they don’t blog. I’m the only one in the family who can spell!

Irene January 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Papa, They will be the talk of every dinner table tonight! Where’s a video camera when you need one!? Maybe someone will post it on YouTube! Glad you’re doing well!!
Yeah, Johnson and Johnson…stocks can only go up!

Maybe Moose will become a podiatrist or orthopedist. That or discover clever ways to get out of gym with a band aid on his toe.

Pamela January 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Jenny, how did you get all the looks and all the brains in your family? Luckily you passed them along to your kids. Everyone knows that bandaids make boo boo’s all better — Moose is just working ahead.

Our babysitter used to pour water into the vodka bottle when I was a kid. I can’t remember his name, but did Papa ever live around Buffalo, Wyoming??????

Jenn January 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Pamela: I admit to getting the brains, but the looks went to Sissy. I remember once when we were running the streets in our early 20s, Sissy and I were sitting in a bar. Everyone said how much we looked alike, but there was one lone guy talking to me and about a dozen flocked around Sissy.

Papa: did you ever live near Buffalo, Wyoming??? (Grandpa Bean was in the Army and Papa moved around a bit.)

papa January 20, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Pamela, love Wyoming. The closest I’ve been to Buffalo, WY, is either Rawlins of Dubois when we rode bicycles from Alabama to Missoula, MT. Best Chinese food ever in Rawlins and for some reason I never could understand the folks in Dubois called it Duboys.

We also paid $300 a night for a room at Flag Ranch in Yellow Stone. If we had been in a car we would have taken the TV from the room but it didn’t matter because there was NO TV.


Betsy at Zen Mama January 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Funny! I always smile when I come to your page! Hey, if you have a Costco nearby… their Kirkland vodka is made at the Grey Goose plant. Much cheaper and just as good, according to the Zen Papa. I’ve been asked not to ever have any more martinis!

Ally January 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Water to take the burn out – LOL.
I’m holed up with what feels like everyone else in my city at Starbucks due to an ice storm that took out the power going on 30 hours now. I’m answering email and doing some quick things to catch up, but no time to read blogs because I can’t get near a power outlet here and I’m trying to conserve battery life. Except yours, that is – you never disappoint and I always go away with a smile. 🙂

LILLIANNA January 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I just had to catch up with your blog’s today.. I am in “Massive” Pack mode.. I always say that..but it lasts about 4 hours then I am searching out the White Wine!

OK..Papa..I hope you are feeling better! I have this visual of you pouring water into the Goose! LMAO!..I really should not EVER drink Vodka (Doesn’t work well with my brain chemistry), but when I DO.. it is GOOSE..even if I can’t afford it! Although I do like “Rain”..Organic bottle.. How you make Vodka “Organic”, I have NO idea.. but it is always on-sale.. and lately with a $10.00 Rebate that they ACTUALLY send you (but it is disguised as junk mail..thinking they are hoping you will fall for that and throw it away!) NOPE..Got my Check!

OK..Band-Aids? I am the one who should buy stock..SERIOUSLY! But mine are flesh that due to Moose.. I would have a LOT more fun with cartooned versions! And since everyone around here thinks I am crazy anyway.. why not!

Miss you Beans!! – I really have emptied a few walls today..but when I opened the “Spackle” it was dried up! Figures.. This has been one of the WORST weeks yet.. Haven’t taken “THE” painting down yet.. I am considering sending it to a “friend” for safe keeping. hmmmmmmm…

Lilly 🙂

Arohanui January 24, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Just dropped by to catch up on the Bean news 🙂 I hope 2012 will be a very good year for you all xx

Sissy January 31, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Hey, I spell fine, thank you, and Papa’s real high tech bike rack wasn’t easy to figure out. I will say we did make quite the spectacle. OMG!

Kristy K. James February 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Thirteen subsequent taste tests? The next time you need a taste-tester, let me know. Depending on how my day is going, I’d be willing to volunteer. 🙂

I’m so glad you left a comment today. It’s just been one of those months (I mean since the first of the year, not the first four days of February… although those have been falling right in line with all 31 from January). It doesn’t take much to turn me into an airhead and I really look forward to your blogs!

Glad things are going per usual for the Beans. Keep up the good work everyone…that way I can always read something I know will make me laugh. Sure wish I’d been in the campus parking lot… 🙂

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