If you’re single and thinking about starting a family at the bank and then allowing your twice divorced father to move in with you to help out, I feel compelled to disabuse you of any fairytale ideas you might harbor about what it’s like living with said parent (yes, I’m referring to Papa).
There’s a reason he’s twice divorced.
And it’s not because his disposition is sunny.
On Sunday I was on the phone in deep conversation with Kat. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being critical, this conversation was a 10. To botox or not to botox. Due to circumstances beyond my control (compromised funds), I found myself in the not-to-botox camp.
Right in the middle of our talk, Papa beeped in. At Maison Bean the phone is our intercom system.
I ignored Papa’s call and continued talking to Kat. Papa lives upstairs in the attic. He has a big room up there with a big TV and a beyond ugly, ratty-ass recliner that I wouldn’t allow him to park in the living room. For some reason little Beans love to play up there.
Papa beeped in again. I continued talking. He beeped in a third time.
Finally, I put Kat on hold and clicked over to Papa.
“What do you want? I’m on the phone over here trying to make the world a more beautiful place.”
“THERE’S. A. DIRTY. DIAPER. UP. HERE.”
“The clean diapers are in Moose’s room downstairs.”
“I’m trying to watch a ballgame up here!”
“So?”
“He’s stinking up my room! GET HIM OUT!
I realized that I wouldn’t win this one, so I hung up with Kat, fetched Moose, gagged, changed his diaper and then gagged again.
Papa continued watching his ballgame, but with a price.
Somehow the offending diaper ended up in the trashcan in the room he calls his office.
Do not be mislead, gentle readers, by tales of an eccentric old man with a penchant for bad sangria. Living with a twice divorced father requires fortitude, patience, and cunning ability to get even.
{ 16 comments }
I can’t wait to see Papa’s comment on this:) He’s got quite the following on here! While I don’t have the hankering for sangria or even those brandy alexanders, I do feel his pain with a stinky diaper. Happy New Year Bean Family! I know you will have a wild, wonderful year Bean style.
Jennnnnnnnnnnny:
I can’t let you just talk bad about Papa like this. It is clear from your earlier posts that he is not only a handsome and charming man, but perfect to boot.
However, if a stinky diaper just happened to end up in his office, that is not your fault, I know. Your Bean Genes would render you far to sweet to do something like that on purpose.
Right?
Tell me you jest?
Love,
Pamela, fan of Papa
It’s one thing being an UNPAID butler, maid, cook, gardener, mechanic, banker, chauffeur, shrink and babysitter but taking shots at THE CHAIR-the last bastion of freedom-means war.
The chair may not be Corinthian leather, but it’s not ratty assed. It’s
a top of the line genuine imitation LazyBoy antique. Only the best for
Papa. Price was no object. In fact it was the most expensive recliner
at Goodwill, and the beach towel that I expertly placed over the holes
adds charm and matches my kilt.
Are you taking lessons from Hyacinth?
Papa
Oh, shit. I’m scared to comment… on my own blog!
I’m wondering what Papa’s next move will be. Revenge within families is so emotionally & intellectually intriguing.
It’s ok Papa. Many old men have ratty ass old chairs. I think Jenn should take a picture of it and have everyone take a vote! And we want to see you in your kilt sitting in it!
Irene, you can catch me down at the Ladies Club on Wednesday and Friday nights. Bring plenty of dollar bills.
Papa
HAAAA HAAA!
Jenny,
I so look forward to your posts. It’s like reading chapters from a very funny, poignant story. Have you thought about writing a book???
Happy New Year! And thanks for your wonderful comments this year! So glad we found each other.
Heather: Papa is talking about starting a fan club!
Pamela, fan of Papa: You funny lady! I cannot tell a lie. I do not jest. (Bean Genes–I love it!)
Papa: You’re FOS, but I love you, especially since you gave me that case of wine for Christmas!
Irene: Papa is now talking about a photoshoot with his chair!
Sparky: Ha yourself, my good friend.
Betsy: Awwwww. Thank you. Thought about a book a long time ago when I was 30 and living in Paris, but getting publishers to take notice of your proposals is HELL.
Betsy et al: I’m so glad we found each other. Thanks for sharing our life. Best wishes for the happiest of new years.
Cheers! Jenny
OMG. I agree with another commenter. This sounds ripe for a book. or a TV show. Your dad is commenting on your blog like a co-author.
I may need to stick around for this!
He thinks he’s a damn celebrity! He’s organizing a photoshoot around that disgusting chair!
After reading his comment, Papa reminds me of my own dad.
Love him!
I’m looking forward to getting a glimpse of that chair. Sounds Frasier-esque.
Thanks for coming to visit, Liz. Papa’s always happy to have another fan!
A bientot, Jenny
A lack of funds has put me in the no-botox camp as well. But I’d be happy to switch to the other side if a financial windfall finds me.
I’ve almost given up hope on the financial windfall finding me. I wonder what would happen if we put an add on Craig’s List: Looking for Financial Windfall.
Thanks for coming to visit, Kelcey!
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