When Moose woke up this morning at 6:00, I sent him upstairs to Papa’s garret with a father’s day card. Twenty minutes later, Papa stumbled downstairs for coffee.
“I didn’t know there were Fathers’ Day cards that said, ‘You’re lucky as hell to have us,’” he grumbled.
Then Jax gave him his present, which was a shopping bag of gourmet kitchen sundries, and this is what he had to say about each one:
Hawaiian sea salt: “I’m on a salt-free diet.”
Cheese grater: “I don’t eat cheese. Did you need one of these?” [Actually, I did.]
Imported Spanish olive oil: “I don’t buy olive oil unless it’s cold pressed.” [I searched the can and found the words COLD EXTRACTION.]
Hand-dyed tea towels: “All I wanted was a pair of socks.”
Country mix Greek olives: “Finally, something I can use.”
Since Papa is especially cantankerous today, I’m going to save my Fathers’ Day wishes for someone else.
Donor 1909, wherever you are, whoever you are, thank you for your genetic contribution to the Bean offspring. Happy Fathers’ Day!
Notes:
1) Papa left the house at 9 a.m. to go to the Ladies Club. “I’ll be back to use those olives later,” he said.
2) Papa was home when my sister Belle showed up at 2 p.m. She gave him two bars of French milled soap, and he was happy as a clam. WTH?!
{ 7 comments }
Super cute post! (Who could turn down hand-dyed tea towels? Ungrateful, indeed!)
😉
-The Garter Brides
@thegarterbrides
I love Papa! Shoots from the hip! He was probably looking forward to the Ladies Club! Happy Father’s Day Papa! Jenny was probably the only hell he ever raised. Hee hee hee…….Happy Fathers Day Papa!!
My side of the story: I hurt my back a few days ago when my g-string caught the stage banister at the Ladies Club, and last night Jenny fed me cookies and ice cream, which gave me indigestion, so between the two ailments I didn’t sleep very well.
This morning I was finally getting some REM sleep—I dreamed about being smothered by a diaper except that it wasn’t a dream—it was Moose sitting on my head. I would have been pissed if there had been a dirty diaper, but it was clean, and he was cute as hell holding the card, so I was only grumpy.
I’ve been telling my kids for 35 years that the only gift I need is socks. Not complicated. They buy socks—I don’t have to buy socks, and I get something I need. Thirty-five years of junk I’ve thrown out, and I’m still sock-less. NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!
On the bright side, barefoot running is in style, and we live in a warm climate. I’d say something nice about the olives, but then I’d never get them again.
Papa
Oh man, this is just so funny! Papa needs to be careful with his g-string, and for goodness sakes – someone buy the man some socks! 😉
Ha ha ha.. very funny indeed. And be sure to get Papa some socks next year. Because, you know where they can go.. if not on his feet 😉
Papa cracks me up! My father’s not the easiest to buy for either. I’m taking him out to lunch. Luckily my husband loves everything!!
PS Everyone here loves new socks, too!
Seriously- who could resist such a little cutie at 6AM?! Maybe if Papa had the socks he *so needed*, to keep his feet warm over night, he would wake up a little less cantankerous.
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