When Saturday evening rolled around, Bliss and I were on her patio enjoying margaritas* while the little Beans and the Bliss children ran amok. Bliss’s backyard backs up to the Bean yard, and we keep chairs on each side of the fence to facilitate transport (because walking around the block would be too… normal).
At Maison Bean, Papa, who was waiting for Sylvia to get off work, decided to take a walk with Rooster, and that’s when he saw old lady McCulley flying around the driving circle, except that in our neighborhood, it’s a driving triangle.
Old lady McCulley drives a 1983 Lincoln Continental, and she must have been doing 50 when she missed the last angle and went flying Dukes of Hazard style over the Widow Hammond’s yard. She flew over the drainage ditch and over the boxwoods, barely grazing one of the bushes on the lawn before she shattered the brick pillars on the front stoop and took out the wrought iron railing.
The cops came. The fire department came. The paramedics came. Hell, even animal control came. Papa retreated back inside Maison Bean away from the crime scene and mixed himself a stiff drink.
Drinking is what got old lady McCulley in trouble. That and her Lincoln. I’m not a big fan of converting people or anything, but with old lady McCulley off the wagon, the neighborhood is not safe, so I told Belle and Thomas Black that they could hold their AA meetings at Maison Bean as long as they invited old lady McCulley and left Papa and me alone.
*Note: homemade margaritas are an excellent source of vitamin C.
{ 12 comments }
Oh, my! You’ve got quite the neighborhood antics always going on, don’t you?! I don’t think you’ll ever be at a loss for a good story. 🙂
Wow! Crazy! Never a dull moment! 🙂
Like I’ve said before, never a dull moment in the Bean neighborhood.
She’s lucky she didn’t kill someone!! Like one of your kids!!!!!!
Maybe be time for some intervention. Starting with the removal of her license. Shame about the vintage Lincoln though.
They took her to JAIL. She won’t be driving for a while. Well, maybe she’ll get a Moped, which you don’t need a license to drive in this state.
When we lived up state, there was a 90-something-year-old lady–Mrs. Mims–who owned a 1959 green Cadillac. Mrs. Mims was so short she had to see the road through the steering wheel of the that Coup De Ville. She would burn rubber backing out of the driveway. When that Caddy hit the small town streets, people pulled off the road.
When you get to old or drink too much to drive, buy a 3-wheel bike.
Papa
P.S. If you’re out walking and hear a Moped coming, get behind a tree.
Whoops! Lucky she didn’t land in their living room!
You have got an entertaining neighborhood. I need me a neighbor to share margaritas with! Pronto!
I want a margarita-drinking neighbor, too. Or at least someone else to ignore our kids with. Did animal control try to take old lady McCulley away before the cops got her?
Rita/Becca: there’s always a story brewing around here. It gets scary sometimes.
Irene: no shit! I mean, if you’re drinking, stay at home or get a DD.
Ally/Craftwack: Margaritas over the fence are about to become a thing of the past. Bliss is MOVING…. People always have to muck up a good thing.
I bet that was a sight to behold. Awesome. I hope Rooster’s not too traumatised by it all?
My neighbour and I have a fence we clamber over rather than walking the 10m along the footpath. I always mean to put something next to it to make the climb easier. One day.
Thanks for your comment. I am electing to tiger-mother my ovaries and accept only A+ grades. So far, so good!!
aw, you made me miss my crazy neighbors 🙁
Ha Ha Ha – let’s not forget the time when your gloriously enabled friend backed into your neighbor’s mailbox — you just live on a strange street at a weird angle! PASS THE CHEESE DIP & MARGARITAS! 🙂
oh my, that’s quite a bit of damage! You have some entertaining neighbors!
who needs tv with you around? 🙂
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