Blogher, pee-pee mishaps and dirty laundry

By Papa with insightful commentary from Jenny

Jenny left for the airport to go to Blogher about 6 a.m.* At 6:02 I heard the unmistakable sound of little feet running through the house and little hands that were working the hell out of a squeaky ball. Squeaky balls are like crack for canines.  Both dogs went crazy barking and running after the little feet. I made my way downstairs.

*No, no, no.  It was 4:30 a.m. when I left.

The sun was NOT up.  I must have used my outside voice* on the way down because boys, dogs and squeaky ball were back in bed. Moose’s bed was wet, so I pulled off the sheet, the mattress pad, a fluffy diaper and his t-shirt. We** just started potty training so I put the boy on the potty and took the bedding to the washing machine. Before Jenny left, she showed me a drawer full of sparkling white Moose t-shirts and told me there were plenty of them to last while she was off cavorting on the left coast. Under NO circumstances was I to wash anything white belonging to the boys.

*That’s not a voice—it’s a roar.

**What’s this “we” shit?

I’ve never been able to understand the complicated way women wash clothes.* Why not just throw all the stuff in the washer, add bleach and soap? Works for me.

*This is why all of your stuff is one color—grungy grey.

Unfortunately, the potty chair isn’t Moose proof. In the 34 seconds I was gone,* he removed the bucket from the seat, put it on his head and then commenced peeing in a potty with no bowl.

*Dumb, dumb, dumb.  Never, ever, ever leave a naked Moose alone.

I cleaned up the pee on the floor and then I made breakfast.

It took about 15 minutes to find a working sippy cup and make coffee. While I ate my oatmeal, Moose had an oatmeal bath and shampoo. I changed his t-shirt before it stuck to one of the dogs.

At least there was some light outside so we woke up Jax and took the dogs for a short walk. We came back eight minutes later, and I changed Moose’s t-shirt AGAIN. It was only 7 a.m., or more to the point—one WHOLE hour before I could take them to Wee School. I put the whole crew in the backyard and locked the door.*

*That’s a lie—you don’t know how to lock the door.

Fifteen minutes later Moose rang the doorbell.  His t-shirt was streaked with mud, and he was crying, not because he was dirty, because his brother had the ball he wanted.

We decided to leave for Wee School a little early. I loaded the little Beans in the car along with all their school stuff and a flower for teacher who was taking early retirement—apparently one week of Wee School was enough. The boys made a fuss because Rooster wasn’t with us.  Since it was early I went back to Maison Bean and got the dog.* While I was at it, I picked up a few extra t-shirts (just in case).

*Since when do you listen to anyone else, especially the little people?!

Rooster, the flower and spare t-shirts rode up front in the passenger seat. Rooster was looking out the window one minute and at that plant the next. Before I could say anything, he did the leg lift* over that plant and t-shirts. When we got to school I washed the dog pee off the plant and rinsed out the t-shirts at an outside spigot.

*This is why bitches are superior. 

The teacher seemed happy to get the flower.

Jenny was gone for two hours and I already had six dirty t-shirts.

*By the time I got home Sunday, all of Moose’s t-shirts were ruined.  I didn’t even try to salvage them.  I just went out and bought more.

Final note from Jenny
Blogher recap coming… eventually.