Unexpected loot

January 12, 2011

Tweet The little Beans were expecting sticks and coal for Christmas, but due to a chance encounter between Santa and Big Al, a 165-lb English mastiff, they got lucky. And so on Christmas morning when they discovered the unexpected loot, they were rapturous. Papa, on the other hand, was cooking and got his kilt in a […]

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Living with Papa: it’s not all it’s cracked up to be

January 5, 2011

Tweet If you’re single and thinking about starting a family at the bank and then allowing your twice divorced father to move in with you to help out, I feel compelled to disabuse you of any fairytale ideas you might harbor about what it’s like living with said parent (yes, I’m referring to Papa). There’s […]

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Christmas a la Bean

December 29, 2010

Tweet Christmas was fast approaching, and the little Beans were expecting sticks and coal from Santa.  Moose had been pulling hair at school and Jax had taken to telling highly embellished stories, a genetic trait passed down to all Beans, but one nonetheless that we didn’t wish to encourage.  Besides, brightly colored toys that talk […]

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Visions of sugar plums

December 24, 2010

Tweet Jax is actually having visions of chocolate, a camera and a Scooby Doo watch dancing in his head. “Mommy,” he said, “when I get my camera, can I take a picture of you?” “Yes.” “And Moose?” “Yes.” “A cause I love ya’ll.” My heart melted a little when he said that, so I talked […]

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Running late

December 22, 2010

Tweet Too much cheer.  Too much traveling.  Too much decorating.  Way too many damn art projects and school parties.  Stay tuned.  Hope to have a post up tomorrow. If you subscribe by email or RSS, my feeds are running slooooooooooow, and figuring out the problem is on my very loooooooong to-do list.

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Euphemisms and the gluteus maximus

December 15, 2010

Tweet Hyacinth was sound asleep at her post on the ottoman by the front door.  She was snoring so loudly that if you didn’t know that it was Hyacinth, you would suspect a 300-pound drunk was sleeping off a two-day bender.  It had been a hard day.  The mailman had come and gone and so […]

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A time to give thanks

December 8, 2010

Tweet A continuation of The Irish are coming for Thanksgiving, which, obviously, you should read first. Thanksgiving eve The first thing Lillianna said when she walked into my house was, “Man, your range hood really is squeaky clean.” “Did you hear that?!” I said to Papa.  “Lillianna, could you please repeat that?  I don’t think […]

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Hyacinth ate my post again

December 1, 2010

Tweet Okay, that’s really a lie, but the truth is life has been really busy.  As you know, I scrubbed Maison Bean from range hood to baseboards, and as soon as I cleaned one part of the house, the little Beans destroyed another.  I have also hosted guests from out of state and out of […]

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The Irish are coming for Thanksgiving

November 24, 2010

Tweet Lilllianna is scheduled to arrive today from Florida for Thanksgiving.  Lillianna has been to Maison Bean and knows what to expect.  Jolie and her 3-year-old little boy Miles, who are also supposed to arrive today, have no idea what they are about to encounter, and they are journeying all the way from the Emerald […]

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A commonist return

November 16, 2010

Tweet While I was at Maison Bean attending to important matters, Papa and his cronies were riding their bikes for 1,800 miles and consuming 23 bottles of vodka.  In the 32 days he was gone, there was only one trip to the ER and one run-in with the law (both related to the aforementioned vodka).  Twitter was […]

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