On chardonnay, shoes and incivility

November 10, 2010

Tweet About six months ago my colleague, the obnoxious cretin, underwent open heart surgery for an aneurism in one of his aortic valves.  The OC is a retired Army colonel, and he is not someone you would want to mess with if you were drunk off your ass in a bar looking for a fight.  […]

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Halloween, Turkish terrorists and the F-bomb

November 3, 2010

Tweet The manifestation of the malevolent cosmic force “Has anybody seen my alligator?” It was the eve of Halloween, or the eve of the eve of All Saints Day, and we were in a pumpkin patch.  Moose was on the loose disguised as an alligator.  I caught him right before he ran into the barbed […]

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The perfect yard sale

October 27, 2010

Tweet When the alarm woke me Saturday at 6 a.m., the birds were singing.  Half an hour later my book club friends, Penny and Libby, and I were lugging out boxes to my front yard brimming with all the gently used crap that we had decided to offer the public at a bargain.    “Who […]

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Under siege

October 20, 2010

Tweet Last week I wrote about my pseudo Friday, the thirteenth, that actually happened on Friday, Sept. 24.  Since then I’ve revised my theory about the origins of my bad luck. There’s an evil cosmic force out to get me, and it might be masquerading as that black cat in the Elizabethan collar down the […]

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Friggatriskaidekaphobia

October 13, 2010

Tweet Friday, Sept. 24 6 a.m., Maison Bean Oh, shit, did I forget to pay the power bill?  I call Papa from my cell phone.  He and one of his cycling buddies had left the house en route to Mobile before the birds were up.  They were joining up with other cycling cronies to begin […]

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My dog ate my post

October 6, 2010

Tweet Hyacinth ate this week’s blog post. The truth be told, there’s a three-ring circus going on at Maison Bean these days that leaves no time to think, let alone be witty.  Papa left for the Annual Geriatric Bike Ride Across Country.  If you spy a bevy of old dudes on recumbent bicycles anywhere between […]

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Child rearing—what no one told you

September 29, 2010

Tweet Warning:  extreme caution should be exercised when in the vicinity of little Beans.  Persons who are confused, accident-prone or inebriated are advised to take flight immediately.  May cause black eyes, broken bones, dislocated toes, and or insanity.  For 18 years I wanted a baby.  It took me 15 months to get pregnant, and I […]

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A belated leprechaun

September 22, 2010

Tweet When my OB told me that my due date was March 17, I asked her to change it.  She tried to explain that it was a target date—it was not likely that the baby would actually be born then, and it would not appear on any official records.  I argued that it was a […]

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When the feds came: countertwitter $ part 2

September 17, 2010

Tweet By Saturday I would have forgotten the counterfeit episode of my life (if you haven’t read that, you need to do so before going any further), but Papa kept blathering on about it.  He was very nervous and agitated, and I did my best to ignore him, which isn’t hard with two baby Beans running […]

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Countertwitter money

September 15, 2010

Tweet So last Friday (10-10-10)* I was at the bank drive-through listening to Nora Jones and waiting for a receipt on my deposit.  After a while I realized that I’d been sitting there for quite some time, and I looked over through the window and saw about 10 bank employees huddled around my money looking […]

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