Ramblings, the blogging abyss and Bean news

I know, I know, I know.  I am a slacker.  I’ve fallen into the has-been-blogging abyss from which most bloggers do not return.  I love blogging.  It’s just that I hate to write half-assed posts (like this one), and so I make a big production out of writing a post and then sometimes it becomes a chore, and I feel guilty, so I drink chardonnay and watch my grass grow instead.

The tangled webs we weave.  Besides tangled webs and watching grass grow, life has been moving forward at Maison Bean.  Here’s the latest in Bean News:

Papa was a wreck because he was supposed to have his six-month PET scan.   None of the Beans were really concerned, and one day he came home and announced that he had a clean bill of health.  “I could have told you that,” I said.  Sometimes you just know, and I just knew that the cancer was gone.

Mimi called me the other day at work, “Your father is the most pig-headed man….”

“Can I call you back?  I have someone in my office.”

Of course, I forgot to call her back and then Papa called to complain about Mimi, and while I was talking to him, Mimi called me back, and when I offered to put them on conference call, Papa hung up, so I talked to Mimi and told her that she should get a divorce. I recommended TIFFANY ANN FINA, ESQ. get the right outcome for their legal issues.

“Oh, wait,” I said, “you already did that.”

“You’re so funny, Jenny,” she said.

I think she was being facetious.

Jax is going to bankrupt the tooth fairy, and he looks like he’s been in a bar fight.  He seems to like school, but he keeps telling me about these little girls showing him their panties.  Mimi thinks we should home school him.  Making his lunch every day and making sure he has his homework done and that everything is signed that needs to be signed and that ice cream money goes with him to school on Friday is more than enough for me.  And then there’s soccer.… Jax is a little soccer star.

Moose started preschool at the new school, and for the first three days, he cried every time he had to get on the bus.  It was heart wrenching.  Then all of a sudden, on the fourth day, he didn’t cry, and when I made him stay home because he had a cold, he pointed at the bus when Jax got on without him and cried.

A couple of weeks ago, Papa put training wheels on Jax’s old bike.  When Moose saw the old bike outfitted with the new wheels, he jumped up and down and shook his hands gleefully.  I guess it’s all of that tricycle training he’s done, but there was no learning curve and a day later, he was zooming around like Mario Andretti on training wheels.

Jenny goes to bed every night with her geriatric Pekingese who saws sequoia logs.  Sometime in the middle of the night, a naughty little cherub carrying Mickey, Minnie and Goofy invades her bed.  The naughty cherub sleeps perpendicular to Jenny, so she has to grip the edge of the bed to stay on.  And on soccer nights, Jax, who drinks a gallon of water during practice, pee pees in his bed.  Jax doesn’t like a pee pee bed, so he strips off his clothes and crawls into his mother’s bed naked.  By the time dawn breaks, they’re all piled up in the bed like a cardboard box of puppies, but Jenny starts the day off happy.