Portia broke her ankle in three places, and she wasn’t even drinking wine when she fell down the steps in the dark. Since the unfortunate occurrence, there have been doctors, a surgery with pins, and now a scary blue cast and boredom.
Portia: Are you ever going to blog again.
Me: Yes. I started a post while we were at the beach.
Portia: It has to be a Part II. Your last post was a Part I.
Me: I am well aware of that.
Me: I’m working on it. It’s just that I spend every minute at home trying to keep clothes on Moose. I have this morbid fear that the Google satellite is going to take a picture of our house when he is in flagrante delicto and that Moose’s picture will end up in the hands of a bunch of perverts.
Portia: Girlfriend, I hate to break it to you, but you’re fighting a losing battle. The last time I was there that kid was riding his tricycle down the street in his birthday suit.
Turns out that Flip and Flop are Brokeback Bunnies. Flip chases Flop, and Flop chases Flip. They start out clockwise and one gets on top and the one underneath gets out and hops counter clockwise. They both want to be on top.
The rain has really ruined my new sod, so when I’m drinking chardonnay and watching my grass not grow, and I want to cry, my gay bunnies make me laugh.
Buzz decided that we should all have Indian names.
Jenny: Dances with Bunnies
Papa: Grumpy Bear
Jax, who has a very large, producing new front tooth: Big Tooth
Moose: Naked Tornado
Buzz, who is allergic to tomatoes: Itchy Tongue
Stay tuned for Mimi, Sissy and Belle.
Sissy, Buzz, and I let our hair down and kicked up the music one night when the whole Bean clan was at the beach. We also kicked up our heels. We were on the porch. Papa, who was inside watching TV, came out in a moment reminiscent of when we were teenagers and hollered at us to turn off the music.
“When this song is over,” I yelled.
Papa didn’t like my answer, so he popped the iPod out of the docking station and all went quiet.
“Jenny, what ARE you reading?”
It was a bodice ripper, and I wasn’t confessing to anything.
“Leave me alone, Mimi.”
“You’re at the seduction scene.”
“If you must know the duke has promised Clarissa’s uncle that he will not seduce her.”
“So why are you grinning?”
“The duke made the promise, not Clarissa. She’s trying to seduce him…. Now will you please leave me alone. I can’t concentrate with all of these questions. Geez.”
Maison Bean under attack
Papa has this obsessive compulsive need to finish all of the leftovers in the refrigerator… even if they are really old and have turned green and furry, so I wasn’t surprised on Monday night when he got food poisoning, although I did feel a little sorry for him, especially since he’s been good about buying my wine lately.
When Jax started throwing up Wednesday night, we realized that Papa’s food poisoning was, in fact, the mutant super virus.
Jax was pitiful, and he wanted to call everyone and tell them, including Aunt Sissy.
“Aunt Sissy caught my cold?”
“Actually, I think you got it at the same time.”
“She got it at 8:24 too?”
It’s Friday afternoon, and as sure as it’s going to rain, Moose will get the nasty mutant super virus too. It’s his turn, and, besides, even as careful as I was to bleach everything in the house, I found Moose drinking out Jax’s cup of ginger ale.
Things are gonna get ugly.